31:T4bb,md` I scrolled down to read the reviews and found these gems:

${quote(` Ok the story is good! HOWEVER I had a real problem with the way the narrator made the female dragon sound just like Cookie Monster from Sesame Street.

It's a telepathic connection. No vocal cords are being used. The Dragon is not straining her throat to mimic human speach. ITS TELEPATHIC!!! `)} ${quote(` The voices used for creatures is like trash gollum. `)} ${quote(` Narrator Gerard Doyle tries to do different voices for the characters but they all end up sounding like poor imitations of the muppets. `)} ${quote(` GERARD DOYLE MADE SAPHIRA SOUND LIKE AND 60 YEAR OLD SMOKER WITH BRONCHITIS AND SOLOBUM SOUND LIKE A HIGH PITCHED YODA WITH STREP THROAT. `)} ${quote(` What the actual fuck is wrong with the narrator? [...] I absolutely want to yeet you off a large cliff. [...] may the sun never shine favorably upon you. seriously GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A STOLEN DICK!!!! `)}

`32:T134e,html`

${await section('Like Somebody Famous', [ { text: "Sounds like Alvin & the Chipmunks with a sinus condition", asin: 'B002V8LAPI', title: "Amanda's Wedding", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@14.png") }, { text: "Sounds like Al Gore and Ned Flanders had a child who grew up to identify as a robot", asin: 'B00392QN0W', title: "A Father Who Keeps His Promises: God's Covenant Love in Scripture", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@15.png") }, { text: "Sounds like the product of a transporter accident involving Bob Barker and a speak-and-spell, trying to mimic Christopher Walken", asin: 'B00E3GXH3Y', title: "From Spark to Finish: Running Your Kickstarter Campaign", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@16.png") } ])} ${await section('Too Robotic', [ { text: "Sounds like a Lusty robot", asin: 'B00ZJJJQ3E', title: "Fantasy Football Romance - Box Set: Seasons 1-4", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@13.png") }, { text: "Sounds like a GPS robot after having a stroke", asin: 'B00TKUZM72', title: "Exponential Organizations", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@17.png") }, { text: "Sounded like a robot! I laughed at parts that should have been horrifying cause of his robot voice", asin: 'B003HOL38O', title: "PULSE (A Jack Sigler Thriller - Book 1)", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@20.png") }, { text: "Sounds like if you mated Will Shatner a Siri", asin: 'B00KW7RSM4', title: "The Churn: An Expanse Novella", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@11.png") } ])} ${await section('Too Young', [ { text: "Sounds like an 8-year old with a speech impediment", asin: '1797104802', title: "If It Bleeds", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@19.png") }, { text: "Sounds like a 10 year old girl which kind of made the steamy sex scenes a little skeevy", asin: 'B007TKVBSO', title: "Decadent", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@1.png") }, { text: "Sounds like a 12 year old cartoon character with a whack accent", asin: 'B085VKFQL8', title: "Iron Queen: Mystic Crown", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@2.png") } ])} ${await section('Too Old', [ { text: "Sounds like a 70 year old's hoarse whisper", asin: 'B0788BD32G', title: "Battle Mage", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@8.png") }, { text: "Sounds like a leprechaun who had smoked for 30 years", asin: 'B002V8MMQO', title: "Darkfever", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@9.png") }, { text: "Sounds like my grandmother and it’s hard to get into a lesbian romance novel told by what sounds like an 85 year old reader", asin: 'B00F2OS42A', title: "96 Hours", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@10.png") } ])} ${await section('Too Over the Top', [ { text: "Sounds like he's doing an 8 hour movie trailer", asin: 'B0057A9FH2', title: "Shock Value", // too long: How a Few Eccentric Outsiders Gave Us Nightmares, Conquered Hollywood, and Invented Modern Horror", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@3.png") }, { text: "Sounds like a used car salesman trying to talk a female into buying a car he knows is in need of a transmission", asin: 'B00L1OJ4Z6', title: "Breathe with Me", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@4.png") }, { text: "Sounds like one of those 2am infomercials or maybe an excited used car salesman", asin: 'B01JZSJ0VW', title: "The Last Punisher: A SEAL Team Three Sniper's True Account of the Battle of Ramadi", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@5.png") } ])} ${await section('Inaudible', [ { text: "Sounds like he is sedated with heavy doses of horse tranquilizer", asin: 'B01IDKPSI2', title: "Steel Boat Iron Hearts: A U-boat Crewman's Life Aboard U-505", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@6.png") }, { text: "Sounds like a 90 year old man, speaking with a mouth full of marbles, whose entire voice is made of vocal fry.", asin: 'B01ESJS5RI', title: "The Picture of Dorian Gray", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@7.png") }, { text: "Sounds like she is sucking a hard candy throughout the entire reading", asin: 'B002V9Z8IC', title: "Barely a Bride", coverImage: FileAttachment("image@18.png") } ])}

`33:T88b,md` ### Bonus Quotes Here's a collection of a few more reviews that I found amusing.

${[ `The narrator not only reads mechanically and sounds like her tongue is too big for her mouth, she breaks the #1 rule in my book: she can't even pronounce the name of the series. It's Star TREK, not Star TRACK.`, `If your gonna produce a hard ass book about some hard ass people then get a hard ass motherfucker to read it. Hard to listen to some dork reading about some gangster shit. Other than that it's all good. Just my opinion.`, `Sounds like "kooky" every time she says the word and with the main characters business being a cookie shop called "The Cookie Jar" it gets said quite a bit.`, `Sounds like an old fogey sitting in an armchair with a plaid rug over his legs, and who often seems to get the rhythm or emphasis wrong.`, `Sounds like the Queen reading her Christmas address inside a trunk at the bottom of the ocean.`, `Sounds like a cross between an Irishman, Scotsman and Englishman.`, `Sounds like a frog man sloppily reading the book to you.`, `Sounds like a neuroscience version of Donald Trump.`, `Sounds like he's in a continual state of surprise.`, `Sounds like she dictated it through a potato.`, `Sounds like a one-lunged marathoner.` ].map(d => quote(d))}

`34:T50f,section = async (title, samples) => { let index = 0; // ~~(Math.random() * samples.length); return html`

${title}

${samples.map( (sample, i) => html`

grid.querySelector('.image img').replaceWith(img)); grid .querySelectorAll('.sample') .forEach(el => el.classList.remove('selected')); this.classList.add('selected'); grid.querySelector( 'a' ).href = `https://www.audible.com/pd/${sample.asin}`; grid.querySelector('figcaption').innerText = sample.title; }}>${arrow.cloneNode(true)}${sample.text}

` // “” )}

`; }35:Td5a,html`